The first song in The Tale of an Empress .
Hamlin's Song Screenshot



  • (Everything turns dark)
  • Hamlin: (Mysteriously) It had all started - when I switched the gummy fish in his lunches with real fish. But for what is worth, I've planned to kill him forever.
  • Workgirl 1: Do you know why you are really stupid? Have you ever been bullied?
  • Hamlin: Was there something like that cucumber wanting to free you all? Now, you're skin is getting clammy. I've done a hundred many plans to get him outta here.
  • Huck: I'm working with Plan A.
  • Tom: (Voice-only) Yes, Plan A.
  • (SFX of chainsaw spatting out with "flap, flap, flap" of paper)
  • (Dark music transitions to ragtime)
  • Huck: I think I'll try Plan B.
  • Tom: (Voice-only) Trying Plan B. Carry on.
  • Hamlin: What are you gonna do?
  • Workgirl 1: I'm going to call the police.
  • Hamlin: No... you don't need to do anything.
  • Workgirls 2 and 3: What? Why?
  • Hamlin: Because... I've been wanting to... fight him now. I had it like it was. I knew it'd make me happy, I knew it'd be the way, and it was.
  • Workgirls: What do you mean that you want to fight him?
  • Hamlin: Because I am really mean.
  • Workgirls: Yes, it's true.
  • Hamlin: Before I think about that, I had to think about this.
  • Workgirls: Ooh-ooh-ooh.
  • Hamlin: So send my plots out to every person on Earth, that there's no better way to make a really yucky world.
  • Huck: I'm working with Plan B.
  • Tom: (Voice-only) Yes, Plan B.
  • (Tries out hedge trimmers)
  • (Bah-dum-dum-dum)
  • Huck: Girls, I think there is a problem.
  • Workgirl 1: Yes, what's that?
  • Huck: I don't know how to stop him.
  • Workgirl 2: Oh, dear. Give him a little pep talk.
  • Huck: What? Why?
  • Workgirl 3: There isn't a way to get a cuba in here. I made this tuba locket.
  • Huck: Hello, Hamlin.
  • Hamlin: You can call me "sir". Compared to me, you are a guh-nat.
  • Huck: It's "gnat". Silent "g".
  • Hamlin: Are you calling me a guh-nat?
  • Huck: What? No! Just trying to correct your pronounciation!
  • Hamlin: Are you calling me stupid?!
  • Huck: Ahh.... no?
  • Hamlin: You three, get in the wagon. You, bow to me.
  • Huck: No.
  • Hamlin: Bow.
  • Huck: No.
  • Hamlin: Bow.
  • Huck: I bow to no one except their God and their King.
  • Hamlin: Hrrrgh. Get in the wagon.
  • Huck: Don't ease your controlness. I'll be heading back to the palace. Go on.
  • Hamlin: I know that it's true.
  • Workgirls: (Hopping in wagon) Trueness, ooooh.
  • Hamlin: It clearly does, I had it.
  • Workgirls: He had it like it was.
  • Hamlin: Aw-huh! I knew it'd make me happy.
  • All: He (i) thought it was the way.
  • Hamlin: And it was.
  • All: Was, was, was.
  • Workgirl 1: Wait a minute.
  • All: Yeah, it was.
  • Workgirl 1: It is.
  • All: Was, was, was, was, Yeah it was.

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