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This will go with the tune of Pants from Sweetpea Beauty.

LyricsEdit

  • Narrator: Next up on Veggie Shopping Network: Shorts.
  • Larry: Welcome viewers, what goes next? A pair of shorts with stripes or checks. Dig in your wallet, dump out your purse, who'll be the one to buy the first... Pair? You can
  • Gourds: Wear them if you're big, wear them if you're small. They're shorts if you're short and speedos if you're tall. You can wear them in the spring, you can wear them to the fall, they're shorts if you're short and speedos if you're tall.
  • Pa: Sold five so far, down to twenty!
  • Larry: Look what you can get for a little bit of money, down to your feet and up to your tummy. Shorts
  • Dancing Shorts: shorts, shorts, shorts, (x4)
  • Larry: You can buy right now tonight, we'll throw in a set of Ginsu knives, a pair of shorts can change your life - one easy payment - $9.95. See the tag on the back, one size fits all.
  • Gourd 1: They're shorts if you're short.
  • Gourd 2: And speedos if you're tall.
  • Larry: You can wear them to the farm, wear them to the mall.
  • Gourd 1: They're shorts if you're short.
  • Gourd 2: And speedos if you're tall.
  • Pa: Sixteen more, down to four.
  • Larry: You can't buy these at any store, they're just like your grandaddy wore.
  • Dancing Shorts: (repeat "Shorts, shorts, shorts, shorts")
  • Larry: Shorts have six legs less than a squid. It's a verb for a dog and a noun for your kid. With a pair of shorts, you're not alone. You can dance with your shorts 'till the cows come home. These pair of shorts will win your heart.
  • Pa: We accept most credit cards.
  • Gourd 1: A stretchy elastic waistband makes these your buffet-eating shorts.
  • Gourd 2: Trousers, slacks or cordoruys, thanks to those a special joy.
  • Larry: As seen on the screen of your TV, these shorts can hide unslightly knees.
  • Gourd 1: This pair is made of fiberic vinyl.
  • Pa: Don't hesitate, all sales are final.
  • Larry: To summarize you might recall that
  • All: They're shorts if you're short and speedos if you're tall.
  • Pa: 4-3-2-1, going, going, done.
  • Larry: We're outta shorts, we gotta run!
  • Dancing Shorts: SHORTS!
  • Gourd 1: You got some skinny legs.
  • Dancing Shorts: SHORTS!

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