Here is part three of this particular legend The Tale of an Empress.


  • (Car screech)
  • Huck: It's Hamlin.
  • Hipster Pig: (Blows trumpet) Make way for Professor Hamlin!
  • Karen, Prospector, Jude and Men: (Put on red glaring eyes and mouthpieces and hold out guns)
  • Prospector: (Takes off hat)
  • Hamlin: Hello, People of Persia! I hatched a plot to kill Huckleberry Larry! All you people must come with me.
  • Huck N.: Frightened people hurried kids into buildings. Scared people ran for cover. But I stood my grounds.
  • Hamlin: I didn't ask if you were interested. I will be watching from a safe distance.
  • Huck N.: People were insulting Hamlin. They were telling him to leave. This made him more angry.
  • Huck: Don't let 'em do it!
  • Karen: What?!
  • Prospector and Men: But... but...
  • Moe: I will kill you, mister.
  • Jude: Go away! (He throws a slushee at Hamlin)
  • Huck N.: Hamlin got very, very, VERY mad. He chased me around Persia and crashed into wagons.
  • Hamlin: Are you calling me a g-nat?! Are you calling me stupid!?
  • Jude: Don't you dare call Huckleberry that! (Hamlin destroys Persia as they all hide)
  • Karen: I know that your bravery helped you defeat the Midianites with musical instruments and flashlights...
  • Huck: ...and I knew that you had to save people from being banished to the Island of Perpetual Tickling.
  • (Huck rides away on Zippy)
  • Mayor Asiris: Huck will never let this empress go free!
  • Empress: Hey! What are you doing? Untie me this instant! (Two men arrive)
  • Mayor Asiris: Anyone in the whole kingdom would be happy to help me. Empress or no empress. Aaah!
  • Man 1: Hello, sir.
  • Mayor Asiris: (Startled) W-w-w-ho are you?
  • Man 1: I am Jimmy, your royal servant!
  • Mayor Asiris: What are you doing here? I don't remember inviting...
  • Man 1: You're not going anywhere! Donald, sir! Let's tie him up!
  • Donald: Yes, sir.
  • (They do that)
  • Jimmy: Ya better study your Scottish Highland lilt.
  • Donald: 'Cuz you're going to Scotland tonight! Guards, bring him a kilt and some bagpipes!
  • (Later that night...)
  • Huck N.: I took every shortcut I thought up to get to a malt shop to get answers and even some I didn't have.
  • (Huck hops back as a truck drives over a mud puddle)
  • Malt Shop Owner: Can I help you, sir?
  • Huck: I need a couple things from you. First, a vanilla malt. I'm looking for clues, sir.
  • Malt Shop Owner: You're not the clueless type.
  • Huck: I'm on the trail of Hamlin. Someone's gotta stand up for him.
  • Malt Shop Owner: You're asking for trouble, are you?
  • Huck: I think that's a no. Why is that so?
  • ("The Malta Song" plays)
  • Malt Shop Owner: Don't forget your malt.
  • Huck: I ordered it for me.
  • (Huck sails back to Mayor Asiris' palace)
  • Huck: I came back to assume you that the empress belongs to me... and not to you!
  • (The canvas wagon rides up and Huck and the empress hop back in along with the resemblance guy and his nephew. They all ride out of Persia and onto a boat to St. Louis)

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